


how it feels to take off

by bisexualhotchner



Series: trans aohimu collection [1]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: FTM Himuro Tatsuya, Gen, Gift Fic, Happy Birthday Homie, Himuro's inner monologue is something that can be so personal, M/M, Panic Attacks, That being said I absolutely loved writing it, This is just short and doesn't make much sense, mentions of past injuries, mentions of vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27188764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualhotchner/pseuds/bisexualhotchner
Summary: 'Now he knew how it felt to fly too close to the sun.'Himuro always had trouble catching up to others. Those who had better stamina, those who were more talented than him - now it's time for him to reach the greatest heights. Written for my buddy's birthday, I love u a lot.
Relationships: Aomine Daiki/Himuro Tatsuya
Series: trans aohimu collection [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2191059
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	how it feels to take off

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ForestFish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForestFish/gifts).



> This is just the fic I've been trying to write for u except short. Could be part of a more elaborate AU (called false confidence) but I don't know if I'll ever get to writing it.
> 
> Happy birthday dude!!

He didn’t mind the tons of traveling in his childhood. Not as much as he should’ve, thinking back.

As a young boy, one of his favorite things was staring out of the window during car rides. Well, after a while, it was any vehicle rides, really: first it was the commute between his mom and dad’s places in Tokyo, and then the train rides to Akita when his mom’s finally moved further away, and later, getting on a plane to the US.

Oh, the plane was his _favorite_. With all the preparation, dressing up nicely and going through the motions of boarding the plane, it all felt like a little adventure, one that a child’s mind colors excessively with the vivid imagination they still practice.

For his very first flight, Tatsuya had the privilege to sit by the window, and it took his breath away. He didn’t think he got a blink of sleep during the 10-hour flight, despite being at an age that required him to nap at least twice during the day, even when he wasn’t tired. Instead, he watched the clouds that rolled by lazily below, so close and yet so far away; he paid close attention to catch any glimpse of the water, its surface shimmering mesmerizingly in the sun, that went on for miles and miles – and of course, the endless, intense blue sky.

If he concentrated enough, he could imagine being right outside the walls of that metal cage. He saw himself soaring right above the clouds, flying closer and closer to the sun, until he could feel its warmth in the atmosphere, an honest comfort after the chill of the wind on his skin.

A few months later, right before he would take a trip back home to visit his mom on Christmas, he’d read about the story of Daedalus and Icarus. Well, to be completely honest, he couldn’t stop reading it over and over again – the tragedy had him hooked. It was the very first thing in his life that made him feel understood, the first ever anecdote that he felt a profound connection to. Even as a small child, he’d already known the significance of a story that’s going to define, well, probably his entire life to come. He knew that he was going to think about it on his flight in December, and somehow, even with what little concept of time he had, he knew that he was going to think about it when he’s grown and matured.

_‘You’re never going to reach the Zone, you know.’_

_\- was what the Touou’s ace had first told him. They were the only two people left in the locker room; the entire Yosen team’d cleared out, leaving Tatsuya to change and, of course, process their loss in solitude._

_The glare he’d shot the younger boy was heated, the challenge and the distaste obvious on his face. He didn’t like to be bothered while changing, but Aomine either didn’t notice the extra layer of clothing under his tank top, or he didn’t care. Nevertheless, Tatsuya pulled his sweater over his head, finally turning to look at him. Aomine was leaning against the closed door, his arms loosely locked in front of his chest, his eyes and expression focused. It was true what they’ve been saying about Aomine Daiki’s raw intensity: it followed him on the court and off._

_If Tatsuya was a lesser man, he would’ve been intimidated._

_‘Nice to meet you, too.’ Well, he had his own doubts about that part, but one thing he could be trusted with was covering them up with blatant sarcasm. Which Aomine didn’t seem to be all that bothered by._

_‘I know you want to, and I can see you trying your best to get there.’ he’d said, prowling up to Tatsuya’s space with all the swagger in the world that a sixteen-year-old’s body could muster, his entire aura resembling one of a black panther circling his prey: limbs loose and lithe, posture firm and focused. ‘But you can’t, and you won’t. I just thought I’d tell you.’_

_Tatsuya should’ve left it at that. Even after losing, he still had enough dignity to pretend that he didn’t hear the whole thing, turn away and just leave. It would’ve been wise, and easy at that - except the challenge in Aomine’s eyes sung a different song._

_He’s had his fair share of scenarios quite like this one. People weren’t exactly a fan of a brooding, closed-off teenager on his way to self-discovery, and then they weren’t a fan of the man he’d become who was actually comfortable in his own skin. Not when he wasn’t anything like them – not when he regarded them with sarcastic comments and an air of superiority, his very own personalized layers of protection._

_Aomine was intimidating, Tatsuya could give him that. But something deep inside of him, something that was all too familiar with broken ribs and bruised knuckles told him that he wasn’t there for a fight._

_‘You think you know me just because you’ve seen me play against your boyfriend?’ That didn’t mean he should have been pushing his limits to see if he’ll land a punch anyway, but that didn’t stop Tatsuya from trying._

_‘What?’ he snorted._

_‘What do you want?’ Tatsuya asked instead of repeating himself. He wasn’t even sure who he meant by Aomine’s “boyfriend”. There was a whole lot of tension between him and Taiga, but it seemed like he was close with the small blue-haired kid too. Maybe the three of them had some sort of weird, basketball-induced_ _ménage à_ _trois going on: he didn’t know and he didn’t care_ _._

_He was surprised at how unsurprising he found Aomine’s nonchalant shrug. It was very much like him, but it still didn’t feel appropriate to the situation at all. Maybe that was exactly why it was fitting._

_‘I just told you, I felt like sharing my two cents on your plays.’ he took a step back, suddenly giving up on getting into Tatsuya’s space. He turned to leave. ‘I guess you didn’t want it.’_

_‘Help me.’_

_Tatsuya’s heart skipped a beat when Aomine looked at him again, expression open and visibly thrown off. Who would’ve thought that all those sharp lines could soften?_

_‘Huh?’_

_‘Help me reach the Zone.’_

_‘I can’t.’ Aomine narrowed his eyes. ‘Did you even listen to me?’_

_‘I did, and I call bullshit.’ Tatsuya took one step forward, stealing the distance that Aomine’s previously put between them. He earned himself an offended glare, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He felt like taking control of the situation, and even though it was getting harder to breathe for him, he wasn’t going to give up now. ‘I don’t think you came all this way just to tell me that I’m not worth shit.’_

_‘I didn’t say that-‘_

_‘Then help me. Help me prove you wrong.’_

Now he knew how it felt to fly too close to the sun.

One minute, he was soaring – he’d never dunked before, the brute force necessary for it foreign to him as a person and as a player, but he did slam the ball through the hoop that one time, pushing the other boy out of the way mid-air like he weighed nothing.

It felt _incredible_. His limbs were light and flexible, and he had total control of his entire body. Tatsuya felt invincible, like he could do anything, and he did, he did the impossible and more: he’d beaten Aomine Daiki, standing off against him alone. He saw his fierce expression, the manic glint to his eyes, focused and intent, and he said “I’m better than you.”

_“I am better than you.”_

And he was. For a brief, fleeting moment, he was, but that’s the thing with terrifying highs – they come with even more terrifying lows.

Now he knew how it felt for Icarus to fall. The warmth that raced through his veins and drove his body into overdrive, drained all of a sudden. The shift happened so quickly that it actually punched all the air out of Tatsuya’s lungs, leaving him breathless and gasping on the concrete, doubled over like he was trying to get out the remnants of his euphoria from his digestive system.

He was vaguely aware of another person – most likely it was Aomine – looming over him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about the shame of being vulnerable in front of an audience. A dark flush burnt on his cheek nonetheless, but that was the least of his problems, considering that his stomach wouldn’t stop constricting, the heaving becoming exceedingly painful. His mouth and pipes were having trouble prioritizing between sucking in air or projectile vomiting whatever was in him, his entire body wound tight, muscles spasming.

His awareness faded enough to not even register the hand on his back, rubbing along his spine. His vision was becoming spotty with lack of oxygen, and he felt like he would pass out soon – honestly, after all that, it would’ve been a relief. He much preferred the sort of bliss that came with unconsciousness to the burning, prolonged sensation that was brought by coming down.

Aomine pulled him against his chest, one trembling hand softly cradling the back of his neck as he jerked uncontrollably. He’d murmured something like “ _it’s alright_ ” and “ _just let it happen_ ”, and right before Tatsuya slipped under, he remembered the safety of flying above the clouds in a metal box, the ocean wide open to his gaze, the protected freedom of it all.

When he came to, he was laying on a chest: flat, wide, warm. His head rested right above a heart, the steady, sturdy rhythm of it soothing, but the monotonous rise and fall of breathing – so deep; Tatsuya can’t remember the last time he was breathing _deeply_ – was rattling his brain. He figured he didn’t need the added dizziness, so he scooted over just a little to lean on a broad shoulder instead. That was when the shift brought his attention to the hand in his hair, and another arm around his shoulders.

‘How did you know how to help with panic attacks?’

Aomine scoffed, incredulous. ‘I helped?’

Tatsuya made a vague noise of agreement, and he identified the warm breath that fanned the top of his head as a huff of laugh. Evening fell, though the court was swimming in glowing white light, and it felt like they were the only two people left on this planet.

‘I don’t have experience with panic attacks.’ Aomine murmured. His voice reverberated pleasantly in his chest, the low humming sensation causing Tatsuya’s tired eyes to slip closed. Normally, he would’ve been freaked out by lying on top of the former Teiko ace, someone he’s seen and been inspired by, but right now, everything was hurting, and he felt like the rest was much needed. ‘But I know how it’s like to get out of the Zone. The first time it happened, I threw up.’

Tatsuya furrowed his brow in worry. ‘I didn’t throw up, did I?’

‘No.’ Aomine shrugged with half a shoulder: he kept the other one still under Tatsuya. ‘I guess you tried.’

‘I guess I did.’

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: author is baby trans/gnc so inaccuracies can still happen ok. It's actually my first time writing a trans character!! Pls be nice? Comments are kudos are welcome, and again: happy birthday Himuro and happy birthday to my homiro.


End file.
